Thaim for Meat

“I help you.”

The story of a Brisket, Spicy Spaghetti Sauce and Thailand Immigration control.

To start things from the very beginning, let’s go back to the week before we departed for our two-week vacation to Thailand. I was headed to meet a friend and her kiddos for an impromptu play date (one of many outings to stave off the mom-guilt pre-departure). En route to meet our friends, Heath called and said I needed to meet him. He had just picked up the frozen, vacuumed-sealed Brisket we would take to serve as our lunch on Day 4 of the sailing portion of the Thailand trip.

So I had to call my Vegan friend and let her know that I was canceling our date….because of a ‘Meat Situation’. How’s that for furthering her beliefs in avoiding animal meat. 

I rushed that 6 lb. baby brisket home and stored her in the freezer. Along with our Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage, the spicy spaghetti sauce, and Central Market jalapeño sausages. These would all make the trek to Thailand and need to be as frozen as possible before we travelled for 32 straight hours. 

Fast forward to the afternoon of departure and we filled a soft-sided YETI cooler with freezer packs and our frozen goods. Said a quick prayer over the bag (there is nothing too silly to say prayers over. God loves to provide!) (we use a vacuum sealer like this: Vacuum seal for better frozen transport!)

Dallas to Houston Hobby. Bags made it!

Press play to see how smooth rolling AWAY LUGGAGE is. Even filled with household supplies and scrumptious meat!

We loaded an Uber with all 5 bags. Checked in at Houston international and checked all bags onto Phuket. Houston to Taipei and the air temperature was -65* so we knew our cooler would be just fine! Taipei to Bangkok. Bangkok to Phuket. 

Standing at the baggage belt it is always thrilling to see your bags come thru the little window. 1, then 2 and finally all 4 checked bags appeared. Considering how many millions of people a day travel, I find it miraculous when bags arrive after an itinerary like that. I know sometimes we can get heated and frustrated when our bags don’t make it to our final destination, but isn’t it actually amazing that they can? But that is a conversation for another day.

Not wanting to celebrate too early, we walked confidently towards baggage immigration. Four bags went thru the scanner…and only three came out.

We came face to face with an Immigration officer looking at us incredibly confused. AHHHH! I looked at Heath and asked him what was in that one. Under his breath with ventriloquist lips he said, “the meat”. (Did I mention we brought knives, a waffle skillet, HORRIBLY tacky khaki pleated pants for a costume party. All things that could have been offensive to Thai Immigration). 

Somehow I was the one requested to open the offending suitcase. And then to open the YETI cooler tucked inside. As we stood next to the two large banners explaining the ZERO tolerance for bringing in fruit, the immigration officer pulled out the spaghetti sauce. 

Friends, insert the age-old debate determining if tomatoes are a fruit OR a vegetable. Which side did my immigration friend fall on? Does he know what spaghetti sauce is based upon?

The language barrier stopped us a bit…but Heath intervened announcing, “it’s a sauce. Made with lots of tomatoes. TOMATOES.”. I looked at him wide-eyed and whispered, “STOP. SAYING. THAT WORD.

Heath:, “huh?”.

Me: with gritted teeth, “Stop saying ‘tomatoes’.”

Then our immigration friend spotted the Brisket. 

“What is this?”, he asked. We quickly pulled out an ice pack and said, ‘Oh this is just an ice pack”. 

With a giggle he very obviously pointed to the brisket.

Ohhhhh that! Heath responded, “It’s cooked meat. Smoked. Brisket. You know it? It is cooked.”. (because only monsters would bring raw meat?)

The immigration officer asked us how many we had. We proclaimed, “only one sir!”. I mean, again, we aren’t monsters.

So there we stood with 6 lbs of USA meat and a bag of tomatoes.

He turned to Heath and said, “I help you.”. (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!)

We remained confused as he walked to a desk, opened the top drawer, lifted a yellow legal notepad and grabbed a crinkled well-worn pamphlet from underneath. You know, the kind of pamphlet that looks like it’s been in your back pocket for about a week.

I knew this is where the Immigration Officer would show us line by line how we’d have to leave this all behind. All I could think of was how I wished I had eaten more of the spicy sausage spaghetti sauce now. What a waste…I started hoping that he would at least take it home to let his family try it (and you know me…I was going to beg him to let them try…tell the full story of how we made it, annoying him with my long-winded story hoping it would bless his family).

But in flash, he just placed the pamphlet in my hand and began gesturing for us to go ahead and enter Phuket. Contraband and all! What? Was this were we should have snuck him a $20? We didn’t know and didn’t want to cause more trouble so we just packed it up, bowed profusely, and thanked him a million times. Then sped to our transfer car waiting outside.

As we drove away from the airport, Heath and I high-fived each other in disbelief that we got away with it all. I pulled the ratty old pamphlet from my purse to have a look. Wait! What? He had given us a pamphlet about Quarantining your pets. 

Oh my gosh!!! This Thailand trip is going to be amazing! No rules….just real good fun!

What have you ‘snuck’ into a country before? Any wild things you’ve travelled with that made you nervous? You know I love a good story…let me know!